Whod you bang
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
