I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
