so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
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