remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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