Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize