i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
