I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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