I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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