you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
