my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize