I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
