my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
