After last night, I could never be a politician.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
