why didn't you poke me back
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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