Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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