I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
