made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
