I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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