i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
