Little spoons don't ask big questions
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize