we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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