please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Sober January is a disaster.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
