so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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