I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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