I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
