i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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