you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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