He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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