So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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