coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
