..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
