The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
