It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize