It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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