i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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