I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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