i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He shit in the fireplace
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