He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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