Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize