i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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