I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
