allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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