I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
