Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
