i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
