i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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