a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
