that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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