I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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