u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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