If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
