so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
