Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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