We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
