Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
