I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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