shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
