Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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