she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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