wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize