I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
