i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
