I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize