I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
