His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
