If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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