yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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