Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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