Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
