I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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