you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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