I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
