fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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