im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Semen is not good for contacts.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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