I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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