yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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