he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
