idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
