I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize