my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
