You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
