he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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