I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
