if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
