you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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