So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize