about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
