I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
