Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
