i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize