the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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