I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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