Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
