Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think I won the penis lottery.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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