I feel great
I just peed on a car
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
