she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
send nudes
from the living room?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
