So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
