no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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