Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
