Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
